I spoke to soon.

My beta just came back negative and my progesterone level was only 5.6, my lowest ever. I don't understand how I got two positive tests yesterday....and I am not pregnant. I am so confused and slightly (very) heartbroken.  I have to go now...

We may have another miracle!!!!!!

I can hardly think straight....but I have to keep my wits about me until we know for sure. Yesterday (at 8 DPO) I tested with Confirm (I have been testing since 7 DPO....as usual...I am addicted to those things). Well it was negative. I even called Paul at lunchtime to have him check it to see if a line showed up (it took several hours to show up last time I was pregnant) and he said "no, there is no line....wait a minute......*pause*....no, there is no line." Bummer. But when I got home last night and looked at it....there was a line....very very faint, but there was a line! So, I immediately took another test and within an hour, I could see what I thought was the start of a very faint line and within 2 hours, there was definitely a line there. I called my RE and left a message asking to come in for a blood test. Then I couldn't sleep the rest of the night. I took a Clear Blue Easy test a couple of hours later and it was negative. Then this morning, I took another Confirm and it was negative too. So now I am a little nervous. I know what a negative test looks like, and I know what a positive looks like. I am just afraid that there was something wrong...why would I get a negative this morning? (Although I had very little urine...I think I used it all up last night. ) My breasts have been sore since 5 DPO, I have been having mild cramping for 2 days, and have felt slightly ill at times...all of which could be explained by other things. So, I went in for a blood test this morning and by 4:00 pm today (when the beta and progesterone tests come back) I will know for sure. I am so anxious and happy, excited and scared. I am just so afraid to believe that with my age (36) and DH's sperm count (5 million/ml with 32% motility and sperm antibodies) that we may really be pregnant again. Oh please, Oh please let it be true.

Hopeful once again...what is wrong with me??

I really don't know why I keep doing this to myself month after month. Every month, no matter how bad my temps look (and knowing full well how poor our chances are with our sperm counts) I continue to become hopeful at this point in my cycle. I cannot control it (believe me I would if I could since the disappointment is so much worse after becoming hopeful) but here I am at 6 DPO and I am thinking about the tiny baby that may be growing inside me. I guess I just keep rationalizing and thinking...why not? Why can't I be pregnant? We did it before. After a couple of years of trying half-heartedly, (due to finding out that we had no or very few sperm) on our second month of actually charting temps we were pregnant with our very first little baby. I am so sad that we lost her (I think she was a little girl). But now, here I am at 6 DPO and I think (while attempting to avoid these thoughts for fear of jinxing the whole thing) that we may be pregnant again. There is no real reason for these thoughts. I have them every month. Nothing is really different. Every month I have *symptoms* that I am sure indicate that we finally have a little one growing....and every month since the miscarriage in June, I have been wrong.  But every new month, I feel that the symptoms are a little different and that this could be it. Sad, I know...but it makes be happy to *believe* that I might be pregnant again each month. This month, my temps are not very high (in the 97.7 range) but I began to feel breast tenderness at 5 DPO and it continues and has actually gotten worse. I have also been feeling slight cramping/tugging in my abdomen and thought that I felt a little ill yesterday morning. Yes, all of these symptoms have been felt by me before on numerous occasions when I was NOT pregnant....but once again, I feel the hope welling inside me....and I cannot control the feelings that it may be possible this month. *sigh* How long can I do this? We have decided to go to see our RE and move on to IUI's if we are not successful this cycle...so we will try to get an appointment within the next week or two to discuss our next plan of action. But in the meantime...I will continue to be hopeful and pray that we already have a little baby beginning his/her journey into our arms next summer.

Not much hope for this cycle

Just a quick note for the record. I don't hold out much hope for this cycle. My pre-o temps have been erratic to say the least...ranging from 97.4 to 96.7!!! That is not a real good sign. Also, it looks like I may have O'd yesterday (cd 15) or will be Oing today...and that is a little early for me (I usually O between day 16-19). My OPK's were positive both yesterday AND this morning...weird....so I think this cycle is just toally screwed up