My heart is breaking. We started weaning yesterday and things were going pretty well until nap time. I read and read and we cuddled and talked about the train ("Duck") that he would get the next day if he didn't have "num nums".
The whole thing turned into an hour of pleading and distracting and ended with screaming and crying. I do not want the end to be like this and I do not believe in "crying it out" as a method of teaching a child. So I let him nurse for just a few minutes and he calmed down and was out like a light.
As he asked to nurse during the rest of the day, he accepted explanations about the train he would get and the distractions I provided. By bedtime, he was good. He took a pacifier to bed with him (he has never used a pacifier...but I thought it might help him during the nighttime transition.
We read and he flipped around and asked for nums...but when I told him that Duck was sad and really wanted to be his and that he needed to not have num nums for Duck to be his...he struggled and really tried to go to sleep on his own. We went through this discussion for quite a while. Eventually, the poor little thing fell asleep on his own.
I so wanted to be close to him and hug him and hold him. But if I did that it would have made it harder on him to resist nursing...so it took everything I had to lay on my side of the bed while he struggled with this. He is such a strong and sensitive little boy. He, even at two, wants to please us. (I told him again and again how proud I was of him and that really seemed to make a difference.)
This morning, though, was a different story. I woke up and am very upset. I am so sad to think that I will never see his little eyes look up at me from down there as he nurses. I will never feel his little body lying against me and his little toes squiggling around on my leg as he nurses. I will never again be able to stroke his hair as he gently nurses. I am crying. I can't imagine never having that closeness with him again and I am distraught about it. I feel like I am losing a big part of my baby. I do not know how to deal with this...I am so upset. I love him so much.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Today You Turned Two...
Sweet Baby Jack:
Today you turned two...and I cried. Mommy cried in bed tonight as you fell asleep because she is still overwhelmed with happiness at having you in her life. She was thinking back to the day you were born and how the love for you overwhelmed me. It still does that today...so much so that I cried because I love you so very much.
Here is how we celebrated your special day:
YESTERDAY, January 28th:
Mommy took the day off yesterday to celebrate your birthday with just you and Daddy. We got up and had a bath. Then we went to the pediatrician (a new one that we all agree we love!!!) and Dr. Francis says that you are gifted.
She said that 2 year olds should say 20 words and should be putting two words together. You count to 11, know all of the shapes, colors (including light and dark versions of various colors) and all of the letters of the alphabet. You can speak in sentences and even sing the entire song, "Row Row Row Your Boat." You are potty trained (you have been since 20 months) and are just all-around amazing to your Mommy and Daddy.
You weighed 34lbs 96% and were 361/2 inches tall 96%.
After your appointment we all went to lunch at Max and Ermas and after we ate, a large group of servers carried out a piece of banana cream pie with a candle and sang "Happy Birthday" to you and you had the biggest grin. You are not afraid to be the center of attention! We sang the Birthday song to you on the way home in the car and throughout the day and you loved it every time we sang it.
We gave you the gifts that we bought you. (A Thomas the Train tent and a Mountain tunnel expansion set for your Thomas Train.) You played with both for a while and then took a nap. Then we got up and went to the mall and had your two-year old pictures taken at Flash. They were beautiful!!! You are so photogenic...I am always amazed at how beautiful you are!
We played with your train set for a while after we got home...and then went to bed after reading a Thomas book in bed and talking about your party and what we were going to do the next day.
TODAY, January 29th
We woke up today and Mommy and Daddy kissed you and sang "Happy Birthday" to you. We got up and had a nice omelet breakfast with some veggie bacon (you still "spank" yourself in the front as the sign for bacon...since as a baby you thought bacon and spankin were the same word.)
You got your presents from Nana this morning (James the Train and a bridge tunnel for your train set.) You loved it and played happily until it was time to take a bath. We took a bath together and talked about giving up "num nums" tomorrow. It is going to be hard on both of us and I am not sure that I am ready for this yet...are you baby? I guess I am just afraid that I will lose that part of you...and I am just so scared of losing any part of you.
It was hard for you to fall asleep this afternoon for your nap because you were so excited about your party...but you finally did. You were still asleep when Aunt Jana, Uncle Chris and Olivia Lynne arrived. Mommy came up and kissed you awake...and the house had been transformed.
Balloons everywhere, party favors, cake, cupcakes, nuts, fruited sparkling lemonade, and other appetizers were out, your spring horse was downstairs waiting for you when you came down the stairs...and the whole house was transformed for your big day. Then everyone began to arrive. PopPop, Grandma, Aunt Robin, Uncle Todd, Madison, Kayla, Marrisa, and Corey, Alec and his parents, Austin and his Mommy, Austin Pollix and his parents, Paige and Lisa and Jeff Miller, Baby Bella, Jennifer & Ben, Lisa and Chris and Olivia and Kenedy.
It was pretty crazy...but fun. We all sang to you and you loved all of the attention. You opened presents and loved all of them. You got so many fun toys...and had so much fun playing with all of the kids...it was such a perfect day for you.
After everyone left, we sat around with Aunt Jana and Olivia and watched a Thomas video, and ate some Cheerios. Then after Aunt Jana and Olivia headed upstairs to bed (Uncle Chris had went to bed earlier) we stayed up and played with your new Playdough farmhouse. It was so much fun....we love you so much. I cannot believe you are two my sweetest baby angel. (You like to remind me that you are "Mommy's Baby Angel.") Happy second birthday sweet angel.
I cried tonight as you were falling asleep as I recounted the events of your special day and remembered the day that you were born...I cried because I was so happy. You were upset when you saw me crying and said "No....Mommy Happy!" I AM so happy Baby....so very very happy!
Today you turned two...and I cried. Mommy cried in bed tonight as you fell asleep because she is still overwhelmed with happiness at having you in her life. She was thinking back to the day you were born and how the love for you overwhelmed me. It still does that today...so much so that I cried because I love you so very much.
Here is how we celebrated your special day:
YESTERDAY, January 28th:
Mommy took the day off yesterday to celebrate your birthday with just you and Daddy. We got up and had a bath. Then we went to the pediatrician (a new one that we all agree we love!!!) and Dr. Francis says that you are gifted.
She said that 2 year olds should say 20 words and should be putting two words together. You count to 11, know all of the shapes, colors (including light and dark versions of various colors) and all of the letters of the alphabet. You can speak in sentences and even sing the entire song, "Row Row Row Your Boat." You are potty trained (you have been since 20 months) and are just all-around amazing to your Mommy and Daddy.
You weighed 34lbs 96% and were 361/2 inches tall 96%.
After your appointment we all went to lunch at Max and Ermas and after we ate, a large group of servers carried out a piece of banana cream pie with a candle and sang "Happy Birthday" to you and you had the biggest grin. You are not afraid to be the center of attention! We sang the Birthday song to you on the way home in the car and throughout the day and you loved it every time we sang it.
We gave you the gifts that we bought you. (A Thomas the Train tent and a Mountain tunnel expansion set for your Thomas Train.) You played with both for a while and then took a nap. Then we got up and went to the mall and had your two-year old pictures taken at Flash. They were beautiful!!! You are so photogenic...I am always amazed at how beautiful you are!
We played with your train set for a while after we got home...and then went to bed after reading a Thomas book in bed and talking about your party and what we were going to do the next day.
TODAY, January 29th
We woke up today and Mommy and Daddy kissed you and sang "Happy Birthday" to you. We got up and had a nice omelet breakfast with some veggie bacon (you still "spank" yourself in the front as the sign for bacon...since as a baby you thought bacon and spankin were the same word.)
You got your presents from Nana this morning (James the Train and a bridge tunnel for your train set.) You loved it and played happily until it was time to take a bath. We took a bath together and talked about giving up "num nums" tomorrow. It is going to be hard on both of us and I am not sure that I am ready for this yet...are you baby? I guess I am just afraid that I will lose that part of you...and I am just so scared of losing any part of you.
It was hard for you to fall asleep this afternoon for your nap because you were so excited about your party...but you finally did. You were still asleep when Aunt Jana, Uncle Chris and Olivia Lynne arrived. Mommy came up and kissed you awake...and the house had been transformed.
Balloons everywhere, party favors, cake, cupcakes, nuts, fruited sparkling lemonade, and other appetizers were out, your spring horse was downstairs waiting for you when you came down the stairs...and the whole house was transformed for your big day. Then everyone began to arrive. PopPop, Grandma, Aunt Robin, Uncle Todd, Madison, Kayla, Marrisa, and Corey, Alec and his parents, Austin and his Mommy, Austin Pollix and his parents, Paige and Lisa and Jeff Miller, Baby Bella, Jennifer & Ben, Lisa and Chris and Olivia and Kenedy.
It was pretty crazy...but fun. We all sang to you and you loved all of the attention. You opened presents and loved all of them. You got so many fun toys...and had so much fun playing with all of the kids...it was such a perfect day for you.
After everyone left, we sat around with Aunt Jana and Olivia and watched a Thomas video, and ate some Cheerios. Then after Aunt Jana and Olivia headed upstairs to bed (Uncle Chris had went to bed earlier) we stayed up and played with your new Playdough farmhouse. It was so much fun....we love you so much. I cannot believe you are two my sweetest baby angel. (You like to remind me that you are "Mommy's Baby Angel.") Happy second birthday sweet angel.
I cried tonight as you were falling asleep as I recounted the events of your special day and remembered the day that you were born...I cried because I was so happy. You were upset when you saw me crying and said "No....Mommy Happy!" I AM so happy Baby....so very very happy!
Monday, January 24, 2005
On the Dawn of Turning Two...Things He Likes.
In just 5 days our baby will turn two. I want to document some of the things that he likes and what he is doing for future reference:
After hearing about where he came from he loves to crawl up inside my nightgown or under my shirt to be back in "Mommy's Tummy." Whenever he gets upset or is tired, etc. he wants to go inside "Mommy's Tummy."
He loves to take baths and puts his whole head under water.
He LOVES, more than anything, his Thomas train set and any books, DVD's, or any toys having to do with Thomas and his friends.
He is very social and outgoing and will talk to anyone anytime. (He is not shy like a lot of the other children his age or older that we have met.) He even sat on Santa's lap this year and wasn't afraid.
He can count to 11.
He knows all of the letters of the alphabet by sight and knows the sounds for many of them. (he cannot yet sing the ABC's song...but likes to try.)
He loves to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
When expresing how much he loves people, he says, "I love you to the moon." or "I love you up to God." (Which is the most that you can love someone).
He loves the time at night when we lie in bed and say our prayers. He jumps in if I forget to pray form someone ("Great Grandma") and helps me say "Amen" at the end.
When he wants to be picked up he says: "Mommy, hold your baby."
He always wants Mommy ro Daddy or Nana to "Make it talk." Any toy or inanimate object must talk to him. He loves that almost as much as his Thomas train set.
He talks in his sleep. Usually it is about Santa, or Henry, or James or some other train.
He doesn't use his utensils very well. (We probably feed him too much as it is so messy when we let him feed himself, but something we must do.)
He gets very upset when Mommy and Daddy argue. (Yesterday he put his hands over his ears and said, "shut up, Daddy.")
He loves books and to be read to.
He MUST have a book when he goes "poopy" and would prefer to have someone sit in there with him while he goes.
He still LOVES num nums....probably as much if not more than he ever has...I don't know how we will ever wean.
He is very sensitive and will rush to help even inanimate objects if we tell them that they are sad.
When Mommy is mad or upset...a worried look is on his face and he says, "Mommy happy?" and suddenly, I can't help but be.
Did I say that I just adore him?
After hearing about where he came from he loves to crawl up inside my nightgown or under my shirt to be back in "Mommy's Tummy." Whenever he gets upset or is tired, etc. he wants to go inside "Mommy's Tummy."
He loves to take baths and puts his whole head under water.
He LOVES, more than anything, his Thomas train set and any books, DVD's, or any toys having to do with Thomas and his friends.
He is very social and outgoing and will talk to anyone anytime. (He is not shy like a lot of the other children his age or older that we have met.) He even sat on Santa's lap this year and wasn't afraid.
He can count to 11.
He knows all of the letters of the alphabet by sight and knows the sounds for many of them. (he cannot yet sing the ABC's song...but likes to try.)
He loves to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
When expresing how much he loves people, he says, "I love you to the moon." or "I love you up to God." (Which is the most that you can love someone).
He loves the time at night when we lie in bed and say our prayers. He jumps in if I forget to pray form someone ("Great Grandma") and helps me say "Amen" at the end.
When he wants to be picked up he says: "Mommy, hold your baby."
He always wants Mommy ro Daddy or Nana to "Make it talk." Any toy or inanimate object must talk to him. He loves that almost as much as his Thomas train set.
He talks in his sleep. Usually it is about Santa, or Henry, or James or some other train.
He doesn't use his utensils very well. (We probably feed him too much as it is so messy when we let him feed himself, but something we must do.)
He gets very upset when Mommy and Daddy argue. (Yesterday he put his hands over his ears and said, "shut up, Daddy.")
He loves books and to be read to.
He MUST have a book when he goes "poopy" and would prefer to have someone sit in there with him while he goes.
He still LOVES num nums....probably as much if not more than he ever has...I don't know how we will ever wean.
He is very sensitive and will rush to help even inanimate objects if we tell them that they are sad.
When Mommy is mad or upset...a worried look is on his face and he says, "Mommy happy?" and suddenly, I can't help but be.
Did I say that I just adore him?
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
"Life's a Bubble Dream"
Jack is now starting to sing with me and one of his favorite songs is "Row Row Row Your Boat" but this is how he sings it (it is so cute):
"Row, Row boat
Gently stream
Merry merry
Life's a bubble dream"
"Row, Row boat
Gently stream
Merry merry
Life's a bubble dream"
Friday, January 14, 2005
"Shoot!"
Paul called me on my way to work this morning to tell me that while Jack was eating oatmeal this morning he asked for another bite with a dinosaur in it. (For the first time I bought oatmeal that has little dinosaur eggs in it that reveal little dinosaurs when the hot water is added). When Paul told him that there were no more dinosaurs because he had already eaten them all, Jack looked at him and said, "awww, SHOOT!"
So cute!
So cute!
Monday, January 10, 2005
Where Has My Baby Gone?
At almost two, Jack has changed from our little "Baby Jack" to a little tot. He is talking so much now...and sometimes it seems like he never stops saying something. He surprised me the other day when, while nursing he looked up at me and said clear as can be, "No Mommy. Flip me to the other side." That was such a long and complex sentence (using words life "flip" and the pronoun "me") that I was amazed when he said it. He hasn't said it since, or anything quite as amazing...so I am starting to wonder if I imaged it.
He has become especially clingy with me and will not let poor Daddy do anything when Mommy is home (though he is fine with Daddy while I am at work). It has gotten to be quite extreme (screaming if Daddy tries to dress him, put on his coat or shoes, pick him up, etc.) and it hurts Daddy's feelings I am sure though he doesn't show it. Poor Paul.
We left Jack with Barb, his Godmother, on Saturday while we had our PetPromise Board Meeting (Mom has a very bad back -- she may have a ruptured disk--so she couldn't watch him...so this was his first time being left alone with anyone other than her.) He did great and had a ball. We were gone for about 5 hours and he kept them busy the whole time. (He didn't use the potty the whole time we were gone, but did as soon as we told him to do so....he had been holding it the whole time...presumably because he was having so much fun.) He talked all weekend about "Bob's" house. Barb and Mary commented on how verbal he was and how he liked to say "Oh, No!!" and "Yay!!!" a lot. He is a very friendly, and outgoing little guy.
He now says that he is "almost two" when asked about his age. He can name all fo the cats in our house (and dogs too). He can count to 11 (if you don't force him to really think to hard about it...and usually he needs some guidance around 8 or so). He is learning the ABC song...and really likes the "lmnop" part as well as the "Next time won't you sing with me" part.
When he does something wrong (spills a glass of something) he comes over to an adult and says "Oh, Jack" while pointing to the mess. Last night, after he spilled the Chihuahua's water (he knows he isn't supposed to play in the dogs' water) he came to me and said "spill water" and was spanking his little bottom while he was saying it. He is so smart...I can hardly believe it.
I talked to him about where he came from (Mommy's tummy) and his newest kick is to get up under my nightgown, etc. to be back inside "Mommy's Tummy." He loves to cuddle like that and I talk to him about what we did when he was a baby and what happened on the day he was born....how Daddy went over to watch them wash him up, how Nan held him, etc. He is enthralled with these accounts and wants to be "in Mommy's tummy" all of the time now.
Last night I sat down with the book "Charlotte's Web"...and started reading. I knew it was way too old for him and without pictures didn't think it would hold his interest for long, but he sat quietly listening for the whole first chapter (7 pages). I am not sure how much he comprehended, but I think that is pretty amazing for a two-year old. I will try again tonight..as that may have been a fluke.
He still loves to take baths...and was very adamant about picking out the Thomas the Tank Engine theme for his birthday. (I tried to guide him to a less commercial theme...but that is what he wanted...so Thomas it is!) The party is scheduled for his actual birthday (I will take the day before off so that we can spend some special time together as a small family to celebrate his 2nd Birthday).
I love him so much and am having a real hard time coming to terms with weaning him. I know that it needs to be done soon if we want to try to have a sibling for him within a reasonable time...but I just love that it is something special that we share (especially since I can't be with him all day while I work) and I think he is very dependent on that comfort and think that it is going to be very traumatic on him when we wean. I am not sure what to do or how to do it...and it is a constant cloud hanging over my head.
Anyway, I love my little baby more and more every day....I don't know what I would do without him.
He has become especially clingy with me and will not let poor Daddy do anything when Mommy is home (though he is fine with Daddy while I am at work). It has gotten to be quite extreme (screaming if Daddy tries to dress him, put on his coat or shoes, pick him up, etc.) and it hurts Daddy's feelings I am sure though he doesn't show it. Poor Paul.
We left Jack with Barb, his Godmother, on Saturday while we had our PetPromise Board Meeting (Mom has a very bad back -- she may have a ruptured disk--so she couldn't watch him...so this was his first time being left alone with anyone other than her.) He did great and had a ball. We were gone for about 5 hours and he kept them busy the whole time. (He didn't use the potty the whole time we were gone, but did as soon as we told him to do so....he had been holding it the whole time...presumably because he was having so much fun.) He talked all weekend about "Bob's" house. Barb and Mary commented on how verbal he was and how he liked to say "Oh, No!!" and "Yay!!!" a lot. He is a very friendly, and outgoing little guy.
He now says that he is "almost two" when asked about his age. He can name all fo the cats in our house (and dogs too). He can count to 11 (if you don't force him to really think to hard about it...and usually he needs some guidance around 8 or so). He is learning the ABC song...and really likes the "lmnop" part as well as the "Next time won't you sing with me" part.
When he does something wrong (spills a glass of something) he comes over to an adult and says "Oh, Jack" while pointing to the mess. Last night, after he spilled the Chihuahua's water (he knows he isn't supposed to play in the dogs' water) he came to me and said "spill water" and was spanking his little bottom while he was saying it. He is so smart...I can hardly believe it.
I talked to him about where he came from (Mommy's tummy) and his newest kick is to get up under my nightgown, etc. to be back inside "Mommy's Tummy." He loves to cuddle like that and I talk to him about what we did when he was a baby and what happened on the day he was born....how Daddy went over to watch them wash him up, how Nan held him, etc. He is enthralled with these accounts and wants to be "in Mommy's tummy" all of the time now.
Last night I sat down with the book "Charlotte's Web"...and started reading. I knew it was way too old for him and without pictures didn't think it would hold his interest for long, but he sat quietly listening for the whole first chapter (7 pages). I am not sure how much he comprehended, but I think that is pretty amazing for a two-year old. I will try again tonight..as that may have been a fluke.
He still loves to take baths...and was very adamant about picking out the Thomas the Tank Engine theme for his birthday. (I tried to guide him to a less commercial theme...but that is what he wanted...so Thomas it is!) The party is scheduled for his actual birthday (I will take the day before off so that we can spend some special time together as a small family to celebrate his 2nd Birthday).
I love him so much and am having a real hard time coming to terms with weaning him. I know that it needs to be done soon if we want to try to have a sibling for him within a reasonable time...but I just love that it is something special that we share (especially since I can't be with him all day while I work) and I think he is very dependent on that comfort and think that it is going to be very traumatic on him when we wean. I am not sure what to do or how to do it...and it is a constant cloud hanging over my head.
Anyway, I love my little baby more and more every day....I don't know what I would do without him.
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