Very Sad...

I am very sad today. A very good and dear person who I have become friends with over the last year is losing her baby to a miscarriage. This is the second time for her and it is breaking my heart. When I found out she was pregnant...I was happy (she and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year). Shortly, thereafter I became jealous of her and her pregnancy. I can't believe that I felt that way as I really care about this friend. I slowly pulled myself away from her and everything to do with pregnancy (even my journal). I hated myself for even allowing myself to feel that way. Then, when I started to feel a little better, I checked on my friend...and now my heart is breaking. She is losing her baby and I wasn't even there for her. In fact, I was wallowing in my own self-pity and coveting her joy. I am ashamed of myself and my selfishness and I do not think I deserve a friend like her.