Here I sit on the dawn of New Year's Eve 2004. Jack is lying in our bed asleep, not aware that the end of 2004 is less than 24 hours away and that each day he continues on his journey to adulthood. Gosh, I can hardly stand to think of it that way, but the turn of the year always brings about thoughts of where we are in life and where we are ultimately headed.
It has been a while since I have journaled. The last month has been quite hectic. But even more than that, as Jack gets older, instead of requiring less attention and time, he actually requires exponentially more. Am I complaining? Absolutely not! Each day I think that OI couldn't possibly love him anymore. But then the next day, I feel my heart grow just a bit bigger as I realize that my love for him has grown another degree. It is hard to explain, but my love for this child is overwhelming and I am so happy that I was lucky enough to experience such happiness.
Looking over at him now, I see the sweetest face lost in the sweet dreams of babyhood. His little chubby arm is thrown up over his head, and his little lips are puffed out and his curls are tousled about his head. He is still a baby, not yet two, but you would never know it. He is talking so much now and in long complete sentences.
His favorite phrase lately has been "Mommy hold you." Despite what he is saying, this request is actually asking me to pick him up. (He is confusing the pronoun you.) Tonight as we were driving home from the grocery store, he was so excited about all of the Christmas lights that we saw (he just loves them even though he has seen them every day for over a month). He kept saying "ooooo Mommy, OOoooo" "Ooooo Mommy Oooo" He calls his cousin Olivia "Yivie Yin" (Olivia Lynne). He says "Mommy no go work...Mommy stay home" and similar sentences. He is quite a talker and has recently begun requesting that Daddy and Mommy and Nana make various inanimate objects "talk". It has become quite difficult to have to make very stuffed animal and toy talk...but he just loves it so much and he won't stop asking until you have "made it talk."
We had a wonderful Christmas. The build up to the holiday was not taken lightly. We read books about Jesus (and Jack just loves the stories about "Baby Jeesis" and we talked about Santa a lot and went to see him twice. By the time we were close to Christmas, Jack fully understood that Santa would be coming down the chimney (he talked about that )and that he would be bringing toys for Jack and that we needed to leave out cookies and milk for him. Days before Christmas, Jack would be napping and mumble..."santa....santa" in his sleep. He decided almost 2 months ago that he was going to ask Santa to bring him a train. (He is so into trains that we had bought him a Thomas the train table and train set back in October and just hoped that he would continue to love trains enough to really want one for Christmas.) We needn't have worried. All that he talked about for the last month was a train.
He asked about Santa coming...and on Christmas Eve, we watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer twice...and he would/could not go to sleep. He finally fell asleep around 11:00pm (2 hours after his usual late bedtime) and he never even asked to nurse...which is an absolute first. Our theory is that he was trying to stay awake and was just so excited about Santa coming that he couldn't sleep.
He didn't wake up early on Christmas morning (probably because he was up so late). But when he rushed down the stairs after getting up and realizing that Santa had been here....his little eyes were huge when he saw the big train table and train set...and he just shouted out "TRAIN!!!!!"
Since then that train is all he can think about. He got a lot of other toys (and a close second is a little kitchen set with a stove that lights up and sizzles and microwave, refrigerator, etc.) but nothing holds a candle to the train set. He can play with it all day. He just loves it. He wakes up from his nap and says....."Mommy...Mommy....train set?"
I am feeling really guilty. I took this week after Christmas off to spend with him and all that i have done is run around shopping and running errands. It has not been real fun for my baby....and I certainly have not made him the focus of my time. It makes me sick to my stomach that my week is almost gone and I have not spent any real focused time on him and him alone yet. (He goes everywhere with me...and we have been with relatives for Christmas celebrations...but I would have liked to have been more focused on him and him alone during more of my vacation.)
One thing that made Christmas so hectic this year was the fact that at the beginning of December I had to take a last minute business trip to Bal Harbor Florida (Miami Beach area). We arranged (at the last minute) for Paul and Jack to come along and I took a few extra days of vacation. We stayed at a luxurious resort for 6 days and nights and it was amazing. After I was done with my two days of work, we spent our days swimming in the heated pools, walking the beach looking for shells, splashing in the ocean waves, building sand castles.
It was pure heaven. Jack loved it. He was a little afraid of the ocean and the strong waves...but gradually got used to them. We couldn't keep him out of the pool. He was diving under water (while we held him) by the end of the week and staying under for pretty long periods of time trying to swim. We walked down to the little grocery store and bought most of our food and cooked it in our room each evening. It was cozy and fun and a bonding time for the whole little family. We had such beautiful weather the whole week. It was in the low 80's and sunny every day. I would like to take a beach vacation every year...and I am pretty sure that our little fish son wouldn't argue with that!
Looking back at 2004, I can't believe how fast it went and how much has happened. Our little baby has become a communicating little toddler that has stolen the hearts of both myself and his daddy and nana. He is still pretty attached to mommy and refuses to let anyone else do certain things when I am home. (ie, no one can put on or take off his cloths or shoes, he wants Mommy to hold him, Mommy has to feed him, sit with him in the bathroom, etc.) I don't know if this closeness that we share is because I nursed (and am still nursing) him....but I am not worried about it. He is very secure and outgoing (he walks up to just about every person that he sees and says "Hi" whenever we go out). I will be heartbroken if he someday decides that he no longer needs his Mommy anymore. But until that time....I will give him everything that I can, spend as much time as I can with him....and give him every inch of my heart.
Welcome 2005...Happy New Year Baby Jack...Mommy and Daddy love you so much!
