Nothing Can Be Easy for Us...Ultrasound...6w0d...

We were lucky enough to get a very early ultrasound yesterday at 6w0d since I have had brown spotting for 10 days! Anyway, unfortunately, we still don't have any great news to share. I guess we will never get to feel comfortable about being pregnant. The ultrasound showed a sack and a yolk sack. This means that the embryo was too small to be seen. Dr. Schmidt was not encouraging. He said it is about 3-4 days behind where it should be at this point, but that we could rule out an ectopic pregnancy and a blighted ovum. However, he said there are two possibilities: 1) the embryo implanted late...or 2) the embryo stopped growing 3-4 days ago. We go back for another ultrasound next Friday when I should be 7w1d...and will be praying to see a baby at that point. (I leave for Australia for two weeks that weekend...so we really need to know something at the next scan.)

Starting to believe we may have a little baby on the way!

I am so excited, scared, nervous, happy, etc. that I can hardly write. After all of the doubling but low betas, and after waiting the whole 3 day weekend for a fifth beta and just hoping that it doubled...we received the news. Our beta went from 582 on Friday to 4441 today (Tuesday). It more than doubled every two days!!! The nurse said we don't need any more betas...and that I am to schedule my first ultrasound with Dr. Schmidt for sometime after June 6, 2002!!! Is this real? I can't fathom that it is. Paul is so happy....I am still scared. I have NO symptoms whatsoever, which really worries me and I have been spotting for a week! But for today, I am HAPPY!!!

5w1d...Still in Limbo...Beta Rising But Low.

Oh, I don't know how much more of this we can take. Our beta today (at 5w1d) was 582. It more than doubled from two days ago when it was 230. However, it leaves us in the same state of limbo. I still have some brown spotting, though it has gotten a bit lighter today. Poor Paul remains so hopeful. I guess in a way, I am too, despite the fact that I know how dangerous that can be! I guess the nurse expected our numbers to go down, or skyrocket...either of which would have been an indicator of the future of this pregnancy....but neither thing happened. The beta went up as it should....and it remains well below where it should be for this far along.  I have to go back on Tuesday for a 5th beta. How will we make it through the 3 day weekend?

Beta is still rising but low.....

Well, my third beta went from 115 two days ago to 230 today. Exactly doubling in 48 hours. It still is very very low compared to what others have at this point and I have been spotting now for several days. I am very concerned. Also, we got a call at 2:00 am this morning from Dr. Hart in Australia saying that Paul the Pigeon had died last night.  I am so very very sad.  I also found out that one of our rescue organization's cats, Lucky, who had been found with a gaping wound in his stomach, died right after surgery.  Things are so very very sad.

Paul the Pigeon....

I just wanted to make a little note about my last day in Australia. With all of the excitement of finding out we are pregnant, I forgot to write about Paul the Australian Pigeon and my last day in Melbourne! Well, it was my last day in Melbourne and I had a driver that was going to pick me up at 9:45 am to take me to the airport. I took some cereal out to feed the pigeons (there is one that is missing a foot that I had been feeding all week). After feeding the pigeons and walking down to the pharmacy to buy a couple more HPTs  I was headed back to the hotel to pack when I noticed a pigeon out in the street who had been hit by a car. I was sick to my stomach, as I knew it would be my one-footed friend as this was around the area where I fed him every day. I was straining to see if the dead pigeon on the street had one or two feet, when I saw the bloody ball of feathers and fluff move. I gasped, as I couldn't believe (and prayed) that it was still alive. But it was. It was bloody with bones sticking out all over the place....but it was struggling to move a bit to stay alive. Oh, God, I was sick!!! At that point, all that I could do was pray that another car or tram would run over this poor little bird to end its misery. I thought surely it must be so close to death that it was going to die any minute. But he didn't. He was still breathing, I could see that from where I was, and the cars and trams just kept passing around him. I thought, well, I better just get going....he is going to die any second. But I couldn't do that. But, I was so afraid if I tried to help him that he was going to be so badly hurt that everything was going to fall apart if/when I tried to move him. Finally I decided that I had to do something....so I found a plastic 7-11 bag and ran out into the street and scooped Paul the pigeon up with the bag. (He was not the 1-footed pigeon by-the-way) I looked down at the little guy and his good eye looked up at me, and I knew I had to help him. (I had originally thought that I would just get him out of the street and put him under a bush somewhere so he could die peacefully.) So I moved quickly along back to the hotel, not knowing what I was going to do and with only about 50 minutes until my driver would be arriving to take me to the airport! I made it back to the hotel and asked the porter to find me a veterinarian that was open (Aussies open for business a lot later than we do in the US and it was a bit before 9:00 am). They found a vet about 10-15 minutes away and I got a nice taxi driver who did his best to get Paul the pigeon and I there as quickly as possible. In the meantime, I noticed that one of Paul's eyes was swollen, that one of his legs had been injured, and of course his wing (from which all of the blood and bones could be seen) but that other than that he looked okay. He continued to breath...and look up at me with his good little eye when I checked ion him to be sure he was still alive. We made it to the Claredon Rd. Animal Hospital and met Dr. Hart as soon as I walked in. He was so nice and offered to euthanize the "stray pigeon" for free, but was happy to help when I said that I wanted to try to save him if possible. So....to make a long story short, Dr. Hart gave him an antibiotic and a pain injection, wrapped him up in a warm cover and let him rest so that they could get him stabilized. He promised to do some surgery on the wing (which he pulled out and I could see that it had been mangled beyond recognition) as soon as he could. Dr. Hart also told me that there was a strong possibility that Paul would not make it through the surgery due to his condition. I left a nice down payment ($250 Aust) thanked this wonderful vet who really cared about animals, and jumped in the taxi (with my nice fast driver who had agreed to wait for me) and headed back tot he hotel. We made it back, my driver was waiting....so I threw my bags together and was off to the airport. It wasn't until I was in the air to Sydney that I actually thought about what had taken place that morning and I prayed for the life of that little pigeon and his little eye that kept looking up at me, trusting me to do the right thing for him. As of today, Paul is well. He had most of his wing removed and one of his legs is injured, so he hobbles about in his cage according to Dr. Hart. But he is eating a bit....and is expected to live!!!! We are looking for a sanctuary of some sort that would take him....he deserves to live after what he has been through. It looks like Paul the pigeon will live to see many beautiful days!!! I am so thankful that I decided to stop...I could have easily just kept on walking.

Beta Results.....

Well, after taking many many HPT's that were faint but getting darker....we got the results of our beta from 13dp3dt (Saturday). It was 47. They said that they would have liked to have seen it higher and asked if I had been bleeding (no). They said to be cautiously optimistic....but that things could go either way. Since Saturday, I have taken a couple more tests and they do look like the lines are getting a little darker....but not a lot which makes me suspect that this pregnancy isn't going to continue. But deep in my heart, I just feel that this baby will stick around and we will meet him or her in 8 months. I have continued to pray for this baby, as I know Paul has.....and the rest is in His hands. We will have today's beta results which should give us a better indication this afternoon. Please pray for us. **UPDATE: Our beta results for today (48 hours after the first results) were: 115! Apparently that is good, as it more than doubled....however, we are not out of the woods yet. This number seems pretty low to me for being 15dp3dt and when I asked the nurse about it she agreed, but said it is a great rise...so things look good. I go in for a final beta on Wednesday!!! Thank you God for this blessing!!!

In Australia, More + HPTs But Scared...

I have taken several more CBE and one EFR HPTs since yesterday morning....and all showed very light positives (even the EFR which had been negative yesterday morning). However, it just seems that they should be darker by now (10dp3dt) if this were a viable pregnancy. I am almost thinking it could be the HCG from my trigger shot (15 days ago?) I am just so afraid to allow myself to be happy. I am so afraid....but I so want to be happy. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

OMG!!!! I Think We May Be Pregnant!!!!!

OMG!! OMG!!! I have been taking HPT's since Mother's Day...all negative (EFR brand). Then I took a Clear Blue Easy this morning (9dp3dt) and there is a light but definitely there second line (and it wasn't even FMU!!!!) I cannot even think straight. I keep praying and thanking God!!! I am so afraid this isn't real....that something isn't right....that it is a false positive...or it is a dream. Please keep us in your prayers....after 2 1/2 years and 4 IVF's we really could use them. Thank you so much God!!!

Fat, Depressed, Negative HPT....

I cried last night. I am not exactly sure why. I have had two negative HPT's... (6dp3dt and 7dp3dt). I cried because I have gotten so fat since I quit smoking and I am disgusted with myself...I cried because I miss my sister who I haven't talked to in three years. I cried because I haven't been a very good friend or wife to my husband over the last two years. I cried because I am not pregnant...after everything we have gone through. I cried.

6dp3dt--Melbourne Australia

Well, it is now officially 6 days since my 3day transfer took place and I am uncertain what to think. One minute I think I am pregnant (bloating, heartburn, hot flashes) and the next I think I am not (bloating less, no tiredness, etc.) I am proud to say that unlike my other IVF's I have not taken a HPT yet. I told myself I would wait until Mother's Day in the States (which will be Monday morning here in Australia) so I have another day and a half to wait. I will be 7dp3dt then...so it probably won't tell me a whole lot either way. Regardless, I have been praying a lot more this time. I am also thinking positive and walking around as if I had a secret that only I know about. I have been drinking my water, eating like a pig, and NOT smoking! All that I can do is pray that the babies in there are growing. Oh, please God, say they are! On another note, Melbourne is just a lovely place this time of year. It is mid fall, but it feels like a nice summer day in Ohio. The air is breezy and crisp...but it is pleasantly warm. It is Saturday, so the sidewalk cafes are full of young and old sampling food and ales and the streets and sidewalks are so alive with people it is almost like a festival! There is so much foot traffic and so much to see and do along the way to where you are going....I just can't force myself to take a tram. So I walk back and forth to the office each day (about 30 minutes each way) but it is so worth it. I love this city and this country. If you ever have the opportunity to experience Australia....do it....you will not regret it.

In Australia again....and Symptoms at 4dp3dt

G'Day!!! I am back in Melbourne and it is a beautiful time of year here. It is fall, and the temperature is perfect, it is breezy, and just a beautiful place. I have only been here for a day and a half and I am doing my best to be very positive this cycle (as it is my understanding that the mind can play a very huge roll in IVF and success rates). So, I am pregnant....I just *know* I am. I am more positive than I should probably be....but I really think this may have worked this time! I am sooo bloated....much more bloated than I can remember being last time. (although since I quit smoking, I have been allowing myself to eat virtually anytime and anything that I want in order to get over the cravings....so that may be the reason for the bloating.) However, today (4dp3dt) I had the WORST heartburn. I do tend to get this each month that I am on progesterone supplements....but not like this. (Although I do remember heartburn this bad the month I was pregnant!) My progesterone level came back at 105!!!! Which is the highest that it has ever been. It certainly does not give nay indication of pregnancy...but I will take that as a positive sign. I do not feel overly tired....but overall, I think I may be pregnant this time!

Oh Poo!!!

Well, we decided to freeze four embies and to grow the other five out and transfer all five if they divided. Unfortunately, only 3 of the five divided...the other two didn't. So this morning (Sunday May 5, 2002) we transferred 5 embies...2 grade 3 (on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being the best) 6 celled embies, 1 grade 1 4 celled embie and 2 1 celled embies (who aren't expected to do anything...but they were still living so they put them in too.) I was a little (well, a lot) disappointed. This was by far the best cycle we had had until the division issues. It is really odd. We have never had this problem before...Dr. Schmidt was a bit surprised too. It doesn't matter, though. I believe that this time, at least one of these little ones is going to "stick"....I am going to start talking to the babies tonight. I heard that can help. I leave for Australia for work again tomorrow evening. I will be gone for 12 days. Once again...I will know the good news (or bad...but I can't think about that!) while I am away.

We Have NINE (yes, 9) Embies!!!!!!!!

Well, nine eggs fertilized (out of the 10 that were ICSI'd). We will be freezing four of them and transferring 5 (assuming that all continue to grow) on Sunday morning. Please pray for us....please.

Retrieval Results!

Whoooo Hoooo!!! We retrieved 13 eggs! That is by far the most we have ever ever had. (I am telling you, quitting smoking, drinking 1 gallon of water a day, and cutting out pop all together sure made a HUGE difference!). Of the 13 eggs, 10 were mature. We will find out tomorrow how many fertilize. At that point (once we know how many we have) we will make the decision on whether to freeze all and use them next month during a natural cycle, or just freeze half and put some back this week. I am so excited. Please pray that all 10 fertilize and divide!!!! Thank you God for this blessing.