Weaning

My heart is breaking. We started weaning yesterday and things were going pretty well until nap time. I read and read and we cuddled and talked about the train ("Duck") that he would get the next day if he didn't have "num nums".

The whole thing turned into an hour of pleading and distracting and ended with screaming and crying. I do not want the end to be like this and I do not believe in "crying it out" as a method of teaching a child. So I let him nurse for just a few minutes and he calmed down and was out like a light.

As he asked to nurse during the rest of the day, he accepted explanations about the train he would get and the distractions I provided. By bedtime, he was good. He took a pacifier to bed with him (he has never used a pacifier...but I thought it might help him during the nighttime transition.

We read and he flipped around and asked for nums...but when I told him that Duck was sad and really wanted to be his and that he needed to not have num nums for Duck to be his...he struggled and really tried to go to sleep on his own. We went through this discussion for quite a while. Eventually, the poor little thing fell asleep on his own.

I so wanted to be close to him and hug him and hold him. But if I did that it would have made it harder on him to resist nursing...so it took everything I had to lay on my side of the bed while he struggled with this. He is such a strong and sensitive little boy. He, even at two, wants to please us. (I told him again and again how proud I was of him and that really seemed to make a difference.)

This morning, though, was a different story. I woke up and am very upset. I am so sad to think that I will never see his little eyes look up at me from down there as he nurses. I will never feel his little body lying against me and his little toes squiggling around on my leg as he nurses. I will never again be able to stroke his hair as he gently nurses. I am crying. I can't imagine never having that closeness with him again and I am distraught about it. I feel like I am losing a big part of my baby. I do not know how to deal with this...I am so upset. I love him so much.