Fat, Depressed, Negative HPT....

I cried last night. I am not exactly sure why. I have had two negative HPT's... (6dp3dt and 7dp3dt). I cried because I have gotten so fat since I quit smoking and I am disgusted with myself...I cried because I miss my sister who I haven't talked to in three years. I cried because I haven't been a very good friend or wife to my husband over the last two years. I cried because I am not pregnant...after everything we have gone through. I cried.